|| PAUSE ||

I have always been the type of person to embrace change, but I have never been very good with transitions. I like routine; I like setting arbitrary goals for me to accomplish, but a change naturally upsets the balance of my enforced little rules. As you may recall, my boyfriend and I have finally secured our own little apartment, and this month has been all about moving and all the craziness that comes with a new place. I may seem fine on the outside, covered with the sheen of excitement, but, underneath, there’s a small panic alarm that has been going off steadily since we signed the lease back in January. It’s not so much that I’m actually concerned about things, because everything is going pretty smoothly, I’m just going crazy because my daily routine has been completely upended and has no sign of settling back in until March. It is slowly driving me crazy.

That’s when I have to stop for a moment and remind myself that it’s okay to push PAUSE on certain aspect of life and certain projects and various career goals when your life is going through a pretty significant transition. As much as it feels like I’m losing valuable, precious time right now, the world is still going to be spinning when I get back. There’s still time to finish that draft. You won’t have droves of fans fall off the face of the earth if you’re not posting daily (not that I have many droves to begin with). You can handle not submitting any short stories anywhere for a few weeks (especially considering I have literally 27 stories out there in the ether right now. 27. And I’m worried that I don’t have enough…). Yes, life goes on, but, guess what? Life is still there when you get back to it, too.

Does anyone else get like this when a transition claims your usual way of doing things and forces you to compromise your routine? How do you go about managing it? I like to think I’m doing well, but when I stop to think about it, that droning buzz in my subconscious gets very loud and I wonder if I’m about to break. I realized I was shaking a little when I was driving some boxes over to the new place the other day, this buried tension just itching to get out. It helps talking about it, which is part of why I’m shooting off this blog post right now (although another reason I’m doing it is because I feel I should do at least something on this end of things, even if it isn’t very substantial). But it’s still there…lurking.

At least today is the “Big Move Day,” where we rent the U-Haul to carry all the stuff that won’t fit into our respective vehicles, including the bed, which means sleeping over at the new place from here on in. That’ll help cement in a sort of anchor there, tipping the transition toward its eventual conclusion. Tomorrow is “Cat Day,” where I’m bringing the cats over and spending most of the day with them there in the apartment so that they can get acclimated without freaking out because it’s a new place. I’ll be there to hopefully comfort them and get them to feel a bit better about it. Maybe their stress is affecting me, too. They’ve been through enough moves to know what all these boxes piled up in the living room means, I think.

Hopefully, next week will be the last of it, and by the end of it, we’ll be pretty much settled, the transition complete, and I can push “PLAY” and get back to business as usual. Pity we can’t just Fast Forward through this part like they’re commercials, though.

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