Tag Archives: dedication

Happy Birthday, Brian!

***Please note: the following post was written on December 8th, 2012. Due to certain factors (okay, okay, because I’m working too damn much…), I was unable to post this on that day. The date is very important, though, as you’ll see when you continue reading. Still, though that important day has past, I still feel it very crucial to share the post. It’s one of the few days of the year when you can expect me to get pretty personal here in this blog. Thanks for reading.

Thirty years ago today, a great man came into this world. He didn’t get to stay very long, but what he became in the twenty seven years that he did get was pretty damn special. His name was Brian James Cooper, he died about three years ago in 2010, and I had the privilege and the honor of almost being his wife.

Today’s a pretty bittersweet day for me. I get to remember the life of someone who completely changed my world, and, at the same time, I’m faced with the fact that we never got to embark on the life we had planned for each other. Brian’s death was pretty sudden and unexpected. A little bit after Christmas, the doctors had called and informed him that they finally figured out that his enlarged, anomalous lymph nodes were indeed cancerous, and he’d need to start treatment immediately. It’s sort of a dark irony that I remember hearing so many times how we should be glad it was non-Hodgkin’s. Technically, it wasn’t the cancer that killed Brian, but rather the effects of the chemotherapy. He had never had a strong immune system, and chemotherapy basically kills what immune system you do have. He was in his second month, at the end of January, where he contracted a strain of e.coli and, with no immune system to fight it off, he was admitted into ICU, struggling in a battle he couldn’t win, and it was decided that it would be best to let him go.

It’s impossible for me to type this out without starting to cry; it was nearly three years ago, but that night in the hospital is still so vivid in my head that I still haven’t been able to go into a hospital since. But it’s important for me to write about it, to tell our story, to acknowledge this monumental event that has changed me so profoundly. There are a lot of things that I didn’t get to do because of Brian’s unexpected death, but it steered me on a completely different path, and I have a feeling that a lot of the things I’ve done since and will continue to do might not have happened if not. I could go into the everything happens for a reason bullshit, but I’d rather just recognize the fact that I am a much stronger person for what I’ve been through, and while I would have preferred everything would have gone along as planned, I’m grateful, in a way, to have had this experience that gives me such a unique perspective and strength. And there’s always going to be a part of him inside me. Always. I’m even wearing one of his old flannel shirts right now as I write this.

I’ve been thinking of writing a memoir about our brief, but incredible life together (tentatively titled “Destructor,” after a drawing he did once that I still have; it would make great cover art), but I don’t know if I’m quite ready for that yet. Eventually. I know he’s inspired me for another book, Ragnorok: Space Vikings, something he always joked about writing, though he was not a writer. Brian was a great man, and so I hope I can always remember him on this day, to celebrate the great life he was able to squeeze into twenty seven short years. I love you, Brian, I miss you. I hope you’re proud of everything I’ve become so far, and all the great things I plan to still accomplish.

Writer Quotes: Bradbury.

“Any man who keeps working is not a failure. He may not be a great writer, but if he applies the old-fashioned virtues of hard, constant labor, he’ll eventually make some kind of career for himself as writer.” -Ray Bradbury.

The realization that I haven’t done a Writer Quote post in a long time struck me the other day, and, as I’m coming out of two days where I haven’t had a chance to post something, I thought now was a good time. Sunday, alas, was a day that had me working (and hard!) for nearly 12 hours. Monday was much more pleasant. My older brother and his family came to Chicago for the weekend, and they drove out to visit the Brookfield Zoo with me. I’m a huge fan of the zoo, so even after they left to drive back to Michigan, I stuck around for another four more hours, which mean about seven hours at the zoo in the hot sun, so I was beat when I got home. It was still really great to see my family, though, including their new little baby, and I got a lot of inspiration from the park itself. Also, I’m pretty sure I saw a guy pushing around a Real Doll in a wheelchair, which was absurd and inspiring. Almost as amusing was the teenager with the ‘Furries Ruin Everything’ t-shirt (and I can only hope she chose to wear it specifically for the zoo…)

But enough about that. Onto this quote from Ray Bradbury, which I find incredibly inspiring. And I also find it very interesting. I was going to add to it that this theory of hard work applied to writing leading to a career in that respect is just even better when the writer is pretty great, but I realized that the magic comes from the fact that all that hard work and determination makes a person a better writer. Just like any other practised skill, the more something is done, the finer it gets. Even if you really are a talentless hack, you can build from something abysmal to something at least palatable. When it comes to writing, of course I find delight in a turn of phrase, in clever allusions and prose that just sings off the page. But I’m also quite fond of books that, while the writing might not be the best, are telling a great and interesting story, and you can tell that the person who wrote it cared and had a passion about their words.

And, really? Even outside the context of writing, I adore this quote. ‘Any man who keeps working is not a failure.’ I was raised to really appreciate the value of hard work, and I agree wholeheartedly with the idea that, even though the results might not be what was anticipated, the point is that you tried, you gave it your all, and you are a better person because of it. Never give up, always keep working, in some form of another. Very rarely will you be worse off because of it.

Also, one thing I haven’t been able to do yet is thank my latest subscribers! So, to Poison Strings and JLT, welcome aboard! Good to have you along for the journey!

Writer Quotes: Roth.

“Eight hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, that’s the only way I know how to do it.”-Philip Roth.

We’ve all heard the advice often given to fledgling, wanna-be writers that the only way to go about turning writing into your career is to treat it like a career, an idea mirrored in this quote by Philip Roth. Naturally, I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and if I can manage to even be successful in the endeavor, even better. Lately, especially, I have been mooning over the idea of turning writing into my main career. I know the days spent away from my quote-unquote real job, the days spent working on my craft, are easily the happiest days I’ve had lately. Being able to make enough money off of my writing to live comfortable would be a dream come true. And I always reason with myself that I’m really not even making that much money at my current job, so it’s not even as if breaking even should be too difficult.

But writing is a job, and that’s the key factor to keep in mind. It’s something one must dedicate herself to if she hopes to be successful, just as with anything in life. Oh, sure, sometimes, there’s a bit of luck involved, but nothing will happen if you don’t have something for it happen with. You’ll just be a boat in the middle of the lake without a paddle without the hard work, the effort, the honing, the marketing, the schmoozing, the promotion. Opportunity can’t knock if you don’t have the door.

Even better, we’re now living in a time where the face of writing is changing. There are more avenues available to writers today with the easy access to digital publishing and independent publications. Now is the time, but nothing is going to happen if one continues to keep pandering and treating writing like a hobby rather than a career. I’ve made a decision to start treating my writing more like my actual job; the actual job, that can be the hobby. Because, dammit, I’m a writer.

I know my biggest failing in this respect is my attention span; I have a bad habit of needing to juggle a lot and being unable to sit still for more than a paragraph unless the mood really hits me. So, inspired by Roth’s quote, allow me to pose a question: What gets you in an 8-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week, 365-days-a-year mood? What motivates you to really sit your butt down and work, work, work? I’m thinking, maybe on my days off, of having my roommate handcuff my ankle to my chair and take the key with her to work so there’s no escape until she gets home, but that might be…a little extreme.

And, hey, a big thank you heading toward brain splats for subscribing to the blog! Welcome aboard, and good to have you with us!